The Meaning of Hipster-dom

All I know is that I want to be a hipster. I've searched my mind for hours, and I still can't find what I've been looking for; a reason why. Why do I want to be a hipster? Why am I going to push myself to be something, that as of right now, I'm not. I guess it gives me an excuse to do things that I wouldn't do in otherwise do. Like being half-anorexic. If you've read some of my earlier blog posts, you've probably seen that I'm becoming half-anorexic. You probably thought I was kidding. I'm not. I know it's a stupid thing to get a slight eating disorder just so I can be a hipster, and I have to agree with you, it is. I don't want to admit it to myself, but "becoming a hipster" is just a big excuse for changing myself and gaining an identity. I know this is an extremely short post, but I have to go get my fat ass up off the couch and up and running.

Confessions of a Teenage Hipster-In-Training

I am very much aware that this is supposed to be a blog about becoming a hipster, but since Neena's probably the only person in the whole world reading this, I guess I'll talk about my feelings... And if my goal is to become a hipster, then I guess my feeling and my hipster-dom will be wrapped in to one blog thing.

   So... my feelings.  I was sick, and that feeling was heightened by me being really pissed off at my life. Today just was a horrible day. The first bad thing that happened to me was in the morning. I decided I was going to wear my hair down, which is a BIG deal for me since I always wear my hair up. My hair is naturally wavy/curly-ish, so it's not always cooperative. Today, however, was one of the few days I actually thought it looked good enough to wear to school (I know hipster aren't supposed to give a crap about what their hair looks like, but I'm a hipster-in-training, so give me a break). I pinned up my bangs, which turned out sort of funky, but left the rest down. I wasn't really happy about showing off my ugly face, but I was really happy that I was actually confident enough to wear my hair down for once. I went downstairs, and everyone was like "Oh your hair's so pretty!!!! Blah blah blah!!!". Then I sat down on the couch, and while I was getting my shoes on my little brother decided to comment on my hair. "I don't like it." He said. "It looks frizzy and puffy." Then I got really mad, because it's not often I feel confident enough to wear my hair down, and his comment just made me go insane with anger. I started crying and took the barrette out of my hair, then tied my hair up into a bun. His one rude comment changed my day from an "It's gonna be great!" day to a "Hey... I'm ugly! And today's gonna suck some camel balls" kind of day. My little brother felt bad afterwards and cried on his way to school. I know it makes me a horrible person for saying this, but I really don't care about him being upset. I'm still extremely mad at him. It seems like I'm over reacting, and I probably am, to some degree, but if you were me, you'd know how much confidence it takes me to wear my hair down, even for just a day.

    Now, one of my more major, long term problems; fencing. The only people that are serious about fencing are me, Albert, and Avery (Avery is serious SOMETIMES, she's not completely dedicated... But then again neither am I). We have fun at fencing practice, when it's just us. Then there's people who aren't serious about fencing, like Jonah, Josh, and Vivian. There's usually at least one of these people that shows up to practice, and I swear that these people are the scum of the Earth. They ALL have horrible personalities, and they piss me off beyond belief when they come to practice. I especially hate it when they haven't been to practice in like 2 months, and they come in strutting like they're the best fencer in the club. I'm like, "Please. I've beaten you before you stopped coming to practice, and now I have a 2 month lead on you. I think you should drop the superiority vibe you're giving off, because trust me, you're not God's gift to the sport." I've never actually said that YET, but I will when someone really pisses me off. I don't know where coach finds these people... but don't think that because I'm calling them bad, that means I'm good. I USED to be good, but now that's slipping away from me, just like every other good thing in my life.

    Anyway, to get extra training, my coach enrolled me and Avery into a beginner's course at my school. Albert would've been enrolled, but he goes to high school. But today's practice at school was just... awkward. I guess it was good, but it was slightly off somehow. Avery isn't really friends with anyone in the class, so she's been hanging around me most of the time, and I'm trying to be nice to her, but she's taking me away from my friends in the class (I'll explain something ELSE that's upsetting me about that situation later). Avery was also mad at Crystal for yelling at Avery more than at me, but I honestly think that's because I'm actually doing what I'm supposed to be doing and she's not. But then again, I can't disagree with her, because then Avery'll get even more mad. And Crystal and coach were acting weirdly too. This was just a weird, weird practice. And then coach invited everyone in the class to a tournament at the end of the mini course, and that's the absolute WORST thing he could've done. If the people he said were going to go to the tournament actually do go to a tournament, his class is going to be a lot bigger and it's not going to be as fun and helpful as it was. Plus, coach can pick some pretty horrible people to be in his fencing class (*coughVIVIAN-JONAH-JOSHcough*), so practice might be really sucky... if people in the class decide they ant to start fencing.

      But another thing that's really been bothering me lately is friends. I have a lot of friends who are actually friends, and not just people I'm nice to... But it feels like one of my best friends (Lisa) and I aren't really talking. In gym last year, we got to talk all the time. Now, we thankfully have 2 classes together, but we can't talk in them like we used to talk in gym. I also try to talk to her after Social Studies, but she's usually already talking to someone and I don't want to be rude and interrupt (but for some reason when I talk to her there's usually always someone who interrupts our conversation.) I was hoping things would change in the fencing mini course, because she's in it. I really wanted to use that time to talk to her so things would be normal again. But we haven't really... and it's making me really depressed. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I guess the only time I can talk to her is when she hang out at my house. I don't want it that way, but I'd rather have that than nothing. Pretty much the only person I can rely on now is Neena... but she probably doesn't  even check my blog anyway. And I don't really want to tell Neena my personal things anymore, because she said something like "People tell me all this stuff about their problems and their life, but deep down I don't care". I don't know, I just want someone to care about what I'm saying and not just pretend to. I don't know if anyone's gonna read this or not, but I'm just glad I've got everything out in the open now. I'm not hiding any feelings anymore, and I feel a lot better. At least, I do mentally. I'm still sick, and that doesn't feel so great.

    I'm still extremely busy... being sick feels like a break, as sad as that sounds. I am sick of writing, because I've spent way too long on this blog post and I need to do some homework so I won't be as crazy busy tomorrow.

THE DAILY SKINNY: This is basically a new section where I talk about my half-anorexia that I'm having so I can be as skinny as a hipster. So ANYWAYS, today was okay. I ate a pretty big lunch for a half-anorexic, though, because my mom was watching me and I didn't want to act so suspicious. But I'm still doing a lot better than those past 2 days, so yay! As some butt-holes in the modeling industry would say, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". That's my new motto, besides "Try everything once. Except for drugs, because that crap will kill you". That is all. Bye.

Hipsters & Homework... Not a Match Made in Heaven.

HOMEWORK. Homework. Homework. Fencing. Homework. Cello Practice. Homework. That’s what my weekdays in 8^th grade are starting to look like. I am ALWAYS tired because I never get enough sleep since I’m always so busy. But, alas, this is the life of a hipster in training; obscure sport, instrument, and academics. I’d be doing this stuff even if I wasn’t vying to be a hipster, but now that I am I guess I don’t have a lot to complain about. I can’t wait for the weekend; that’s the only time I can use to spend however I want. But for now, I have to struggle through the weeks… I’ve complained enough about my life, so whateves. Let’s move on to more hipster-related things.

    This is a fact of hipster-dom: Hipsters are skinny. I’m not FAT, but I’m not hipster-sized either. Even if I tried to be a hipster at my current weight, I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing all those skinny jeans and crap. So, my goal? To become half anorexic. Not COMPLETELY anorexic, but I’ll only eat as much as I need to not be extremely hugry. I’m 105 now, but I plan to be, at the most, 90. Today, however, I have failed. I ate about 1200 – 1500 calories, which is a good amount for maintaining your weight, but not for losing any. Tomorrow I’ll skip breakfast, have a small amount of lunch, and maybe some dinner. I have to lose all of this weight by December… well, it won’t be TOO hard. I hope.

    If I wasn’t so busy, I’d be conversing with my other hipster-in-training, Neena, abouth the official rules and guidelines about becoming a hipster… but since I’m about to leave for fencing practice, I’ll have to leave you with this cliffhanger. I’ll try my best to post that stuff by tomorrow, but you know how my schedule is. This weekend, me and Neena will hopefully hang out, so we can talk in person about our future hipsterness without all of the nosy middle school kids. 

Day One. Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

DAY ONE OF THE HIPSTER ACADEMY. Yes. That’s right. This is my very first day to EVER allow ANYONE to have the honor of reading about my journey to become the amazing person called a “hipster”. In case you haven’t heard of the rare, sexy CREATURE (you're welcome, Neena), a hipster is someone who goes outside of the social norms. Listening to Brittany, Rihanna, or Eminem? You won’t find a hipster doing the same. Wearing sweatpants from Aero? A hipster would rather set them on fire. Often, hipster guys have 2 ways of expressing their hipster-ness through fashion – they can either look queer or like a homeless guy. Hipster girls have so many more options. The can be hipster-preppy, have a lesbian-hipster thing goin’ on, or they can just be a plain, regular hipster. My name is Ella Robertson, and I one day hope to be one of these amazing creatures. Of course, I don’t exactly want to come off as queer, but a mix between preppy-hipster and regular hipster will be what I’m aiming for. From this time today until December, me and my friend Neena will attempt to master the hipster culture through music, art, and just being awesome. Then, from December until March we’ll work on getting the perfect hipster look through clothes. We will be hipsters-in-training. We have’nt set official rules up yet, but I’ll post them as soon as we official-ize them. Wish us luck, and stay tuned.